Thought

I wanted your love, but look what it has done to me...

All my dreams have come to nothing, who would have believed? All the laughter that we shared would be a memory. I cannot count the tears you have cost me, if i could have seen. And do you ever think of me, and how we used to be? I know you are somewhere else right now, and loving someone else no doubt, well Im one for sorrow, aint it too bad?

Are you breaking someone else's heart? Cause you're taking my love where you are, well im one for sorrow, aint it too bad for us? I wanted your love, but I got uncertainty, I tried so hard to understand you, all the good it did me, now the places that we knew, remind me of how we were, everything is just the same but all i feel is hurt, and do you ever think of me, and how we used to be?


Xoxo
Nad

Show it.

Boys, if you love your girlfriends- 

Tell her you think shes cool. Tell her why you think shes so cool. Smell her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; shell scream and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Hold her hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from gardens and give them to her. Give her flowers.Tell her she looks pretty. Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as The special girl I know. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgrounds, and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk around with her. Always tell her you love her. Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of. Hold her hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Go see her band play even if they really suck, and tell her they were great. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when shes sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Write on her. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour trip. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands she mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When you fall in love with her, tell her. <3

:)

All, or nothing.

I know when she's been on your mind,
That distant look, there is in your eyes.
I thought with time you had realized
Its over.

Its not the way i choose to live
And something somewhere got to give
As our sharing relationship gets older..

You know i fight for you, but how can i fight for someone who isnt even there?
I've had the rest of you, and now i want the best of you,
I dont care if that's not fair.

Cause i want it ALL, or NOTHING AT ALL
There is nowhere left to fall when u reach the bottom its now or never
Is it all?
Or are we just friends?
You leave me here with nothing at all.

There are times it seems to me
Im sharing you in my memories
I feel it in my heart but i dont show it
Then, there is times you look at me
As though im all that you can see
Those times i dont believe its right, i know it.

Dont make me promises,
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
Ive had the rest of you and now i want the best of you,
Its time to show and tell.

Cause you and i
Could lose it all if you have got no room inside for me in your life.

Friday

Today is friday. Yes, aku pegi holiday today. Im going to europe for vacation. Sedihnya hati ni.., xtau nape lately aku slalu rasa sedih, cpt emosional, asyik sedih je. Mayb PMS kot? Ntahla. Nobody seems to understand. I should be happy by now, but knape sedih lg ni?? YaAllah kosongkanla fikiran aku ni..i want to clear my mind.. Need to go somewhere far away from here to ease my mind and my pain. Aku xtau ape yg akan terjadi, apa yg bakal terjadi. Tp mudah2an sumenye selamat pergi and balik. Mungkinkah 'miracle' ku akan terjadi? Ntahla, sumenye aku berserah pada Allah.. Hanya Kau yg Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Mendengar.
Doakan perjalananku ini.


Xoxo
Nad

Tuesday

Four letter words..
Sometimes i dont have the guts to say it.
I'll smile till it hurts..
Let's not make this complicated.

We got a story..
Can i just change the ending?
You are perfect for me
More than just a friend, so we can stop pretending to everyone now?
I gotta let you know somehow

I'll be your shelter,
I'll make you shiver,
Then i'll keep you warm
Whatever weather, im yours.
Be your forever, be your everything.

We used to say,
That we would always stay together
But who's to say, that we could never last forever?
I got a question
Could you see yourself with somebody else?
Cause i dont wanna share,
I want you all for myself right now
I just wanna scream it out

No matter what you do
I'll be there for you
And everytime you close your eyes
I will be by your side.

Xoxo
Nad

Sunday

Lately ni, ntah knapa aku jadi suka plak dengar lagu ratuku from awie. Rasa nak tergelak pn ada sbb aku jarang dgr lagu2 melayu especially lagu lama2 ni.. Tp ntahla.tersangkut dgn lagu ratuku ni. Bila dengar je lagu ni, aku jadi emosional. Aku pn xtau knapa. Mungkin sebab terbawak2 dgn crita dlm novel mlayu yg aku baca skrg.aku jarang baca novel mlayu, tp since dah xde bahan bacaan aku layankan jugak la novel melayu yg mama beli. Ade something dlm lagu ni yang bila aku dgr je, aku akan jadi emosional and terbawak2. And to be honest lagu ni mmg best, how come aku xpnah tau betapa bestnya lagu ni dr dulu? Haha. So ni la lirik lagu ratuku by awie:

Bisikan yg pertama, membawa erti untuk selamanya
Kubagaikan tak percaya apa yg telah ku rasa
Engkau bagaikan permataku, kau pun jua ratuku..

Engkaulah segalanya..engkaulah hanya utk diriku
Aku hanya untukmu, itulah janji ku padamu
Kita bagaikan ombak dan pantai
Takkan terpisah lagi
Walaupun pasangnya, walaupun surutnya laut

Ratapan naluri memanggilkan namamu
Kerana pertemuan itu
Akanku abadikan segala memori
Kulewati waktu itu di dalam pelukanmu
Gugurnya pemisah diantara kita
Terbinalah satu mercu tanda cinta yang setia
Meredahi masa meniti usia
Hingga keakhirnya kuabadi cinta
Di hati ini

So..enjoy.. :)

Xoxo
Nad

All these little things

Your hand fits in mineLike it's made just for me
But bear this in mind
It was meant to be. 

Im joining up the dot on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me

I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes
When you smile
You've never lovedYour stomach or your thighs,
But I'll love them endlessly

I wont let these little things slip out of my mouth

But if i do
It's you they add up to
And im in love with you
And all these little things


A reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keepThough it makes no sense to me

You'll never love yourself half as much as i love you

You'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you.

The Innocent Man

Im feeling sleepy, but i couldnt sleep, so i decided to write this entry. Im going to give a review to one of my favourite novel, The Innocent Man by John Grisham. This is kind of interesting story, the non-fiction and based on the true story.

Since this was a true story, Grisham was using actual court transcript. The way the case was handled was completely slip shod and pathetic and makes you wonder at the possibility of truly getting justice, in real life.

This true story, is about the main accused, Ron Williamson, who was framed by the law enforcement, as the murderer of cocktail waitress, Debra Carter.
Ironically the police used forced dream confessions, convicted felons as snitches and witnesses, junk science and any dubious means to get him convicted. Williamson got the death penalty.

I started out reading this book, knowing that the main accused was innocent. But, even someone who didnt know some of the data presented here, could have seen that this was a wrongful conviction. And even though the case came up for appeal multiple times, each person upheld the original wrongful conviction.

Hence, i think, Grisham is s good writer.
'If you believe you are innocent until proven guilty, this book will shock you.'
'If you believe in death penalty, this book will disturb you.'
'If you believe criminal justice system is fair, this book will infuriate you.'


Xoxo
Nad

Holiday moment

I'll never forget the first time I walked out onto the Grand Canal, Venice. It was love at first site. It was December 2011, and i was on my first trip. Firstly, i thought, this is a very romantic place, honeymoon place. Gondolas bobbed in the water, while larger motorized boats ferried passengers for a more budget-fare. Actually i got a chance to ride the gondola and it was breathtaking.
It seems like i was so in love with this romantic, one-of-a-kind city. This experience never materialized, and while I dont necessarily want to live in Venice, I do feel an increasing desire to go back and see this city again.
The next day, I continued on to Lake Como, and eventually Florence. Indeed, this city has a very beautiful scenery and view. Not to forget Verona, city of Romeo and Juliet. I had a chance to walk along the San Siro Stadium also. We managed to go to Lugano,part of Switzerland.

And Rome as well, which I visited before Venice.Italy's grand capital completely overwhelmed me at the time. I made it to the Colloseum, St Peter's in the Vatican City, The Spanish Steps and the Trevi Fountain. I was fascinated by the Italian Renaissance in their arts and architecture.
I also went to Milan, an Italian city like no other. It's a historic city, with a spectacular cathedral, ancient churches, and galleries. There are also cafes and bars to relax in, and the place is very contemporary, represent the leading edge of italy's fashion and design industry.

So, as a wrap i really hope one day i can go here, as a backpacker. I could pick a base, maybe set up camp in one of the many rental apartments in Rome, and further explore the central and southern areas of the country.

What do you think?

Xoxo
Nad

Monday

Kuasa Allah itu besar kan.terbukti didepan mata aku skrg.rasa yg terjadi smlm, blm tentu lg harini atau esok ada rasa yang sama. Allah lebih berkuasa. Selalu aku berdoa, pernah menangis dan beristikharah memohon petunjuk Allah. Memohon ketabahan hati.memohon kekuatan diri.baru skrg aku mendapat kekuatan itu, ketabahan itu.walaupun dr dulu aku belajar bertabah, br skrg rasa itu makin kuat. YaAllah tiada apa lagi yg ingin aku pohon drMu melainkan berilah yg terbaik utk diriku.


Xoxo
Nad

Caption-less

So here i am writing this entry. Someone ask me to update my blog so yeah here i am. Haha. Nothing interesting to tell and to share.so mlm ni nk ckp psl ape ek? Emmm nothing much bout myself..
But few things happened recently..my hamster died. And i was so sad because it died in front of my eyes. Masih teringat die struggling for his last breath.sempat bwk die pegi vet and inject but..less than 1 hour, it died.Cant imagine if one of my cats die, what will i do? Meraung mcm xigt dunia ke? When you lost someone you love so much.
And..nothing interesting except for i cant wait to further my studies. Another 1 year to go.bertabahlah nadrah..after that, keje? Then, berfikir nk sambung master or not? Master kt oversea or master in syariahlaw.idk yet.
Stress bila mama selalu sebut psl kahwin! Calon pn xde! Grrrr. Bye!


Xoxo
Nad

Just a thought.

There's always this feeling of being under appreciated, used and forgotten. We give and give till there is nothing else and then we get hurt. Not that we expect a thing in return, or anything like that. It's just that it really hurts when we've been forgotten so many times after we have cared so much for them. When we are left out even when they are always on the top of our list. .when we actually mean nothing to them even when they are our number one priority. It hurts.it really does. Its like you are nobody after all. You know, i dont know if u've ever felt like that. At times i feel like i wanted to sleep for thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I know, wanting that is very morbid, but i want it when i get like this. That's why im trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. But, i didnt understand then. That you could hurt so badly she would never recover. How could a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair? How can you be so mean?
But i need to learn from my past and shut the door behind to live in present. Our past is just like a dry rose, which was once a rose with all colors of life, with sweet fragrance, with soft petals.. With thorns..but now it is left with only thorns, which COULD STILL HURT. But i want him to promise me, that he wont forget our laughs, our jokes, our conversations, our smiles, our plans, our tears, our memories and our experiences.
Someday, i'll forget the hurt, the reason i cried, and who caused me pain. I will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race.

One day you will realize how much i was there for you, when im gone.

Cuts deep inside.

I stopped by to see you..just the other day.And I wanna say that I finally realized,the words I love you don't mean a thing.It's so hard for me to see because you meant everything to me 
But I guess I gotta move on,
Even though it hurts I gotta be strong.
If you don't wanna love me, don't love me.
If you don't wanna touch me, don't touch me.
Cause I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do.And if you don't wanna miss me, don't miss me.if you don't wanna kiss me, don't kiss me.Cause I don't want you to do anything that you don't wanna do.

Who would've known that on the days that you were busy on your own,all alone I'd lay awake in my bed.and i know that someone else was making you happy. I refuse to believe,that you never ever loved me but I've gotta move on,
our love is gone and this house is not a home.

You can't be lonely,but didn't have to make me 

think that you'd always be here.You said that you would be there but you are not.

Ive been hurt and wounded so deeply by you. You will never know cause you will always smile eventhough when im gone. 

Soon you'll be finding love.

Today i feel like writing. Yeah, dh masuk tahun baru 2013 dah..masing2 dgn azam baru, impian baru, and mcm2 lg.aku? Aku pn xtau ape yg aku harapkan utk tahun ni.i was hoping for a miracle since last year but nothing happened yet.i dont know..aku berdoa agar tahun ni lebih baik dr tahun lepas.tahun lepas, 2012, byk bnde sedih happened to me.ade yang gembira, tp aku byk bersedih last year.mcm2 dugaan datang.. Mcm2 berita dgr..menjadikan aku kuat..yeah, once i was so strong.i try to build myself up again, alone.i tried to be strong.susah mmg susah. Smpai skrg rasa tu blom hilang lg.org xpnah rse, xtau ape yg aku rasa. Aku mayb nampak happy kt luar, tp dlm hati Allah je yg tau. Aku xtau tahun ni dpt tak aku jd lagi kuat and tabah.aku berdoa sgt2.. Agar Allah makin kuatkan hati aku ni terima apa saja berita and dugaan. Tu je impian 2013 aku.
Sedih ble tgk kwn2 lain happy and aku xdpt happy mcm diorng. Sedih ape yg kte nak kte xdpt.lg sedih ble aku sorng je yg terpaksa pendam rasa sedangkan org lain rasa gembira and happy.sedih ble aku kena mengalah.ni semua ujian. Ble rasa sedih and teringat, always berdoa dan buang rasa marah dlm hati and doakan kebahagiaan org yg kita syg.

I just want you to know who i am

I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehowYou're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life'Cause sooner or later IT'S OVER.
I just don't want to miss you tonight..

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand!When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
 you bleed just to know you're alive..