Akhir rasa.

YaAllah tlglah aku jangan lah kau biarkan diriku jatuh cinta lebih mendalam kepadanya..sbb kalau itu terjadi pasti ada hati yang akan terluka.yaAllah tlglah diriku.. YaAllah padamkanlah rasa hati ini jika ditakdirkan mmg dia bukan milikku dan untukku..yaAllah hapuskanlah ingatan ku ini terhadapnya jika sudah tertulis dia milik orang lain bukan milikku.
YaAllah aku memohon padamu..sesungguhnya Engkaulah yg berkuasa menjadikan sesuatu itu..terbalikkanlah hatiku ini YaAllah..dia sudah menjadi milik orang lain..buanglah perasaan cinta ini supaya dia blh berbahagia.
YaAllah berilah dia kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat dengan keputusan yg dia lakukan.berilah aku kekuatan seperti dulu yaAllah..jgnlah kau lemahkan semngatku..berilah petunjuk yg terbaik untukku..
YaAllah sesungguhnya yg baik hnya dariMu dan yg buruk dari aku.aku hnya hambamu yg lemah yaAllah bantulah aku. Aku tidak tahan lagi dgn perasaan ini yaAllah tidak tertanggung olehku yaAllah.
Amin yarabbal alamin.

No title.

And after all, i know eventually you will go back for her







But i couldnt be more happier if u happy.



Xoxo.

Fool again.

Baby, i know the story..its all written all over your face. Tell me, what's your secret? And what you've been hiding? And who's gonna take my place?
I should've seen it coming, i should've read all the signs.. But anyway, i guess its over.
Cant believe that i'm the fool again, i thought this love would never end, but how was i to know? You never told me.
Baby, you should've called me, when you were lonely, when you needed me to be there. But sadly, you never did that, and you never gave me chances to show how much i care.
About all the pains and the tears, if i could, i would turn back the times.

Xoxo

Gloomy sunday

Helo..happy sunday everyone. So today i dont know what im goin to do. Apart from doing house chores, cleaning, washing, etc etc, i dont know nk buat ape lg. yup and for sure xtau nk masak ape dah for today.no idea.sigh. Since i have to babysit my baby sister(actually shes already 18 but mymom still treat her like a baby because shes the youngest) so mmg hari2 kena masak la sbb if not die nk mkn ape. Die tu ape pn xtau buat. Haih. Susah jugak nk fikir ape nk dimasak every day. Now i understand how my mom feels.

Well a little bit of thoughts.. Sometimes i think it really happens bila ape yg kita buat xpernah dihargai.it hurts me so much. Kdg2 kita rasa kita dh buat yg terbaik tp org xpernah nampak and appreciate. It usually happens dkt org yg kte love the most, right? Everything never seems enough. Tp takpelah, at least kita dh buat something and eventhough takde org notice pn but deep in our heart we know we had done our best.

Oh yes and im not feeling very well again..flu dtg blk..sigh. And i will be goin to bangkok next week and im not that happy. Mcm ade something kt sni yg makes me feel berat hati nk tinggalkan sini. But.. I know im the only one yg feel like this..

P/s : you hope the wound heals but it never does.

Xoxo :)

Saturday.

Hola peeps. Today was not a good day i guess. :(. Yaallah.. Sakitnya kepala dr ptg td until now blom hilang.sampai skrg terbaring atas katil je ni. Nk bangun je sakit sgt especially kt blakang kepala smpai ke leher. Pagi2 lagi aku bangun dh menangis. Mcm2 kejadian.pastu xmkn smpai kul 4 ptg.ni la padahnya.migrain bagai nak pecah kepala. Dh mkn panadol pn sakit ya amat.
Mcm2 jadi..risau salah,mayb i cared too much. Sbb tu org menyampah. Mayb aku ni risau xbertempat sbb tu org rimas.but how.. Cannot help it. Ble dh care, mesti nk make sure dia sntiasa ok, sehat. Tp u dont know yg my action mayb blh buat org rimas. Rasa xdihargai sgt. Dgn layanan dingin, rse ape yg aku dh buat xdipeduli. Xpela mayb dis is my fault.cause i care too much.
Xpela, kepala dh berat sgt..yaAllah hopefully cpt ok..

Xoxo

Its been a while.

Hola peeps! Dh lama rsenye tak update entry psl diri sendiri ni. Awal2 create blog ni je excitedd but as time goes by, dh malas nk update2 slalu..
Haihh..since laptop pn dh jahanam, lg la mls..update blog pn kne thru phone. Well right now im officially doing nothing for 6months! Hahaha. Gile lah, patutnye aku bekerja, since dh jd degree holder ni, tp LLB pnye pasal...sanggup tggu utk further study.
Waa gigih kan? If blh pas LLB nk amek master. Cita2.. Fuh! Double degree and master.bkn ape, nk tunjukkan kt org yg slalu pandang rendah to me yg aku pn mampu jugak. InsyaAllah if diri ni xmalas2, lpas LLB ni aku nk smbung master.so basically ade 2 degree and master.
Ddk skrg ni, teringat blk those good memories.haih how i wish i can turn back times.zaman dlu2 masa bdk2 xmatang dlu. Rasa diri ni dh tua sgt skrg.i miss those good moments dgn kwn2, bbq time, naik genting, curi2 kua lpak..but now rse xdpt blk sume keseronokan tu
Ntah..rse mcm xtau what will happen to me in future. So hard to imagine.mayb one day kwn2 smua dh ade haluan masing2 but me? I dont know..
Kdg2 fikiran bercelaru..this is not what i want. Xtau status diri ni. I hv to do something but how??
Sometimes u can have something but u cant own them.face the reality right?

Xoxo :)

Goodnight.

I write this entry cos i feel sad today. Cause i feel lonely right now. Cause i cant sleep. Cause i cant stop thinking bout you. Cause i cant stop concerning about you. Its raining outside and i feel empty inside. So much love and memories, keep lingering in my mind. YaAllah i feel contented. YaAllah give me strength.

Im writing this entry, again, even i feel so tired and sleepy but i just cant sleep. Gudnite and sweetdre.

Wounds.

The wounds never heal at the first place, i guess.yet, you never choose me, ever.i love you is just a word, merely just a word of saying 'hello' for you.but for me it means something. How could i ever love someone who will never ever choose me for the rest of his life? Restricting my chance to love someone else.just because of him. Did he ever see? Realize? Or even bother? Or mayb he doesnt feel anything because he has someone better? I hope i know what my future will brings me. You gave her a ring, but i never get it.you make it official with her.now i realize who is special actually, eventhough u keep denying.
Maybe you think she has everything, and shes the one for you. And i hv many flaws but just remember nobody's perfect. I am who i am and eventhough im not like her, but i am perfect in my own way, perfect for someone who will appreciate me someday.Im hurting inside, dying inside. It keeps haunting me, all these feelings.
Just remember me one day, the one that will always love you. I cant have you, but atleast i can love you.
Maybe Allah has a better plan for me.One faithful day, when im gone,i hope u will still remember my name.

Love battle

The wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love


These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
This battle
Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wounding me
Arrow holes, they never close from cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should knowAnd let him go
But the fear of the unknown
Holding another lover strong


I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget him
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love

Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter
On the frontline with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifleMaybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone


I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget him
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming medic
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests don't properly work
That's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine is to probably just let him win

Let me love you

Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way that you feelHad no example of a love that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had  baby, if you let me, I can help you out with all of that

Now let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Now let me love you
And all your trouble
Don't be afraid,  let me help
 let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
 let me love youV
A heart of numbness gets brought to life
I'll take you thereNow let me love you
Now let me love you, baby, oh
Now let me love youNow let me love you, baby
Now let me love you
Let me love you, let me love you, oh

I can see the pain behind your eyes
It's been there for quite a while
I just wanna be the one to remind you what it is to smile
I would like to show you what true love can really do

 let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Now let me love you
And all your trouble
Don't be afraid,  let me help
Now let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Now let me love you
A heart of numbness, gets brought to life
I'll take you there

Now let me love you, baby
Now let me love you
Let me love you, let me love you, baby
Now let me love you
Now let me love you, baby
Now let me love you
Let me love you,  let me love you, baby
For every heart that breathe

Too close to love you.

You know I'm not one to break promises,
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe.
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend,
But there's something inside that I need to release.
Which way is right, which way is wrong,
How do I say that I need to move on?
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

You've given me more than I can return,
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve.
There's nothing to say, nothing to do.
I've nothing to give,
I must live without you.
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

So I'll be on my way.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing that I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

Cinta

Menapak jalan yg menjauh
Tentukan arah yg ku mau
Tempatkan aku pada satu peristiwa
Yg membuat hati lara
Di dekat engkau aku tenang
Sendu matamu penuh tanya
Misteri hidup akankah menghilang
Dan bahagia di akhir cerita
cinta, tegarkan hatiku
tak mau sesuatu merenggut engkau
naluriku berkata, tak ingin terulang lagi
kehilangan cinta, hati bagai raga tak bernyawa
aku junjung petuahmu
cintai dia yg mencintaiku
hatinya dulu berlayar, kini telah menepi
bukankah hidup kita akhirnya harus bahagia
Di dekat engkau aku tenang
Sendu matamu penuh tanya
Misteri hidup akankah menghilang
Dan bahagia di akhir cerita

cinta biar saja ada
yg terjadi biar saja terjadi
bagaimana pun hidup hanya cerita
cerita tentang yg meninggalkan
dan yg ditinggalkan
cinta..

November.

'Hello November.please be nice to me'. People always say this when new month starts. Well mayb November always a lil bit special to me because this month is my birthday. This year, im goin to be 23 on 15nov.well yeah.i guess, old.
I dont know why, but this year i think my birthday is not going to be happy or fun.mayb.. Nothing special.. No miracle..haishhh!! YaAllah, i will keep praying and hoping for a miracle to come in my life.miracle, please.. Haha.
So yeah..counting days...blah..not even excited :P

:)

I know, I know it's been a while
I wonder where you are, and if you think of me
Sometimes, 'cause you're always on my mind
You know I had it rough, trying to forget you but
The more that I look around, the more I realize
You're all i'm looking for

What makes you so beautiful, is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now
Oh, oh, I could say them now, yeah

Just friends, the beginning or the end?How do we make sense
When we're on our own
It's like you're the other half of me
I feel incomplete, I should've known
Nothing in the world compares to the feelings that we share
So not fair

What makes you so beautiful, is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
You try to take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now

Oh, it's not you, blame it all on me
I was running from myself
Cause I couldn't tell how deep that we
We were gonna be
I was scared it's destiny, but it hurts like hell
Hope it's not too late, just a twist of faith

What makes you so beautiful, is you don't know how beautiful you are to me
You're not trying to be perfect
Nobody's perfect, but you are, to me
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow, I could say them now
Oh, oh, I could say them now, mmm

Carly Rae Jepsen Beautiful lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/carly-rae-jepsen-bea

Each of us has something within us which won't be denied, even if it makes us scream aloud to die. We are what we are, that's all. Like the old Celtic legend of the bird with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out and dying. Because it has to, its self-knowledge can't affect or change the outcome, can it? Everyone singing his own little song, convinced it's the most wonderful song the world has ever heard. Don't you see? We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it.

And gradually that memory slipped a little, as memories do, even those with so much love attached to them; as if there is an unconscious healing process within the mind which mends up in spite of our desperate determination never to forget.

I've asked about you and they've told me things
but my mind didn't change.I still the feel the same.
what's a life with no fun, please don't be so ashamed,
I've had mine, you've had yours we both know, we know.
They don't get you like I will,my only wish is I die real.
cause that truth hurts, and those lies heal.
and you can't sleep thinking that he lies still
so you cry still, tears all in the pillow case,
big girls all get a little taste
pushing me away so I give him space
dealing with a heart that I didn't break.
I'll be there for you, I will care for you
I keep thinking you, just don't know
try to run from that, say you're done with that
on your face boy,, it just don't show.
When you're ready, just say you're ready
when all the baggage just ain't as heavyl
and the parties over, just don't forget me
we'll change the pace and we'll just go slow.
You won't ever have to worry,
you won't ever have to hide,
you've seen all my mistakes,
so look me in my eyes.can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if have to.
cause you don't say you love me
to your friends when they ask you.
One time, been in love one time,
all so convinced that you're following your heart
cause your mind don't control what it does sometimes.
We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed
I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know, we know.
You hate being alone
you ain't the only one
you hate the fact that you bought the dream
and they sold you one
you love your friends but somebody shoulda told you something,
to save you.

Ive loved and ive lost. 

Detik waktu terus berjalan
Berhias gelap dan terang
Suka dan duka
Tangis dan tawa
Tergores bagai lukisan
Seribu mimpi berjuta sepi
Hadir bagai teman sejati
Di antara lelahnya jiwa
Dalam resah dan air mata
Ku persembahkan kepadaMu
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Meski ku rapuh dalam langkah
Kadang tak setia kepadaMu
Namun cinta dalam jiwa
Hanyalah padaMu
Maafkanlah bila hati
Tak sempurna mencintaiMu
Dalam dada ku harap hanya
Dirimu yang bertakhta
Detik waktu terus berlalu
Semua berakhir padaMu

Inikah caramu membalas cintaku.
Kau nodai cinta yang ku beri
Inikah caramu membalas sayangku
Kau lukai sayangku untukmu
Sanggupnya kau menari diatas tangisanku
Kau permainkan ku sesuka hatimu
Sudah cukup cukup sudah
Cukup sampai disini saja
Daripada hati gelisah
Cintaku kau balas dengan dusta
Sudah cukup cukup sudah
Cukup sampai disini saja
Daripada batin terseksa
Lebih baik ku pergi saja
T’lah berulangkali ku coba mengalah
Ternyata sabarku tak bererti untukmu
Sanggupnya kau menari diatas tangisanku
Kau permainkan ku sesuka hatimu
Sudah cukup cukup sudah
Cukup sampai disini saja
Daripada hati gelisah
Cintaku kau balas dengan dusta
Sudah cukup cukup sudah
Cukup sampai disini saja
Daripada batin terseksa
Lebih baik ku pergi saja

Di angin lalu kusampaikan kerinduan
Wajahmu ku terbayang
Bersama janjimu ku bawa dlm mimpi, ku bawa dlm mimpi.

Malam sunyi, rasa sepi,
Ku duduk seorang diri
Terbayang wajahmu di awangan
Hidupku di sini penuh dgn cubaan
Namun kau tetap jadi pujaan

Walau ku cuba untk melupakan kau
Namun ku tak terdaya
Kini ku selalu terkenangkan dirimu

Alangkah hancur hatiku
Terdengar dan terlihat kau punya teman baru
Kiranya kau telah berubah
Janjimu hanya tinggal kenangan

Hatiku menangis dengan seribu pertanyaan
Mengapa oh mengapa
Dari jauh ku lihat kau berlalu pergi
Berbahagialah di sampingnya

Wont give up.

How old is your soul..? I wont give up.
I had to learn what i've got
And what im not
And who i am





...but now im giving up on you.